Chapter 1 – Is Julianne Moore trying to make a fool of me?

“Norman Mailer, he had an interesting theory that he used to explain the strange coincidences in the aftermath of the JFK assassination. In the wake of huge events, after them and before them, physical details they spasm for a moment; they sort of unlock and when they come back into focus they suddenly coincide in a weird way. Street names and birth dates and middle names, all kind of superfluous things appear related to each other. It’s a ripple effect. So, what does it mean? Well… it means something’s going to happen. Something big. But then, something’s always about to happen.”

Her name was Hilda... she was a liar...

I sit here now, just moments after stumbling upon information that I may have unwittingly involved myself in a massive conspiracy, and publicity stunt, involving the whole entertainment industry.

I shall start at the beginning, just two weeks ago. When I could never have known what was just around the river bend.

While riding the train and going to meet some friends, I spotted a woman opposite me who bore a STRIKING resemblance to Julianne Moore. And I’m not talking your “Doppelganger week” bullshit fantasies, I’m saying she looked EXACTLY like Julianne Moore. She noticed that I was looking at her, and a conversation followed. Here MWWLLJM stands for “Mystery Woman Who Looks Like Julianne Moore.”

MWWLLJM: Hello?

SANDY: Hi. Sorry, I didn’t mean to… it’s just you look exactly like Julianne Moore.

MWWLLJM: Is that a good thing?

SANDY: It’s a good thing for you.

MWWLLJM: Is it a good thing for you?

SANDY: You tell me.

That was the entire conversation. The announcer told me this was my stop and I grinned at her and stood up. As I began to walk towards the doors of the train, she stopped me and asked for my phone number, which I quickly gave to her, along with my name, and left the train. As I got off, I walked past a poster for “A Single Man” starring Julianne Moore, which had a picture of her on it, and next to it there was the quote “A film of heart stopping beauty.” I pointed at this, and at the woman in the train as she laughed and was sped away down the rails.

But during this whole conversation, I had never got her name.

I doubted very much that she would ever call, and a week went by before she actually did. She asked me out on a date and I jokingly asked her what her name was, and she said “I think it’ll be more fun if I don’t tell you”.

I thought to myself, sounds like a fun lady. Interesting at least. Little did I know, this was all part of her plan.

So I went on the date, and it was fine, but not brilliant. Her name turned out to be “Hilda” (yeah right) and I had fun, but I didn’t think I would go out with her again. And that was BEFORE I found out…

I was talking to my friend, and suddenly it became clear to me. In the interest of anonymity, said friend will be referred to as “Deep Throat”

DEEP THROAT: Wouldn’t it be funny if it actually was Julianne Moore, and that’s why she wouldn’t give you her name.

SANDY: I think Julianne Moore is married.

DEEP THROAT: She could have been looking for a bit of an anonymous London fling.

SANDY: She didn’t have an American accent.

DEEP THROAT: She’s an Oscar nominated actress, you don’t think she could pull off a British accent?

And so I began to look up information about Julianne Moore, and her husband. It turns out she is married to Bart Freundlich. A screenwriter. As a fellow script writer, I found this an interesting coincidence. But this was nothing compared to what I would uncover!

His most recent film is a film called “The Rebound”. Could Julianne Moore be on the rebound?

The plot of the film is “a single mom captivates her new neighbor, a much younger man.”

A MUCH YOUNGER MAN eeh? Julianne Moore of 49, Sandy Nicholson of 23?

BUT WHAT’S THIS!?

The main character in the film’s name is SANDY!

The film comes out in the UK in a few months.

Could it be that Julianne Moore went on a date with me as a publicity stunt for her husband’s upcoming film? On the other hand Julianne Moore has been quoted in interviews as saying she got married due to the advice of her therapist, for the sake of her children.

Am I merely a pawn in a publicity stunt for a mediocre film? Or did Julianne Moore actually pursue me?  Do I confront her on this issue? Or do I go out with her again and try to get more information.

In the interest of full disclosure, in the film, Sandy is played by Catherine Zeta Jones, BUT I DON’T THINK THAT MAKES IT ANY LESS RELEVANT!

UPDATE: This story is now coninued HERE

~ by Sandy Nicholson on March 7, 2010.